My heart is breaking.....

A few hours ago (last night) I was about to get on line and book a flight home to England :( My Mam is very sick. Since her pacemaker replacement back in December she has just not been able to get well. Her main problem is excruciating pain from a hematoma at the top of her leg. I spoke with my sister yesterday and she said it was only in the past 3 or 4 days that Mam had really gone down hill. The pain was so bad she was nauseous and couldn't eat. She's hardly drank anything either and my poor sister felt helpless watching her just waste away before her eyes.

Words can't describe how helpless I feel. I was ready to just get on a plane this week and go see Mam, my heart is aching to be there so much. Not just to see Mam but to relieve some of the stress my sister feels in trying to take care of her at the same time as looking after some of her grandchildren during the week.

I spoke with Brenda again this morning and broke down and cried "I'm coming home" I said, I want to be with Mam. Brenda had been on the phone to the Dr. and he agreed to get Mam admitted in to hospital to try and get her pain controlled. We all feel that if they could just ease her pain she would feel like eating and would be able to gain some of her strength back. My sister said 'wait'.... if I could and see how Mam is in a few days. She's in the best place right now to get some help.

If I thought I could go over there and sit with Mam all day and all night I would, but the hospitals in England have strict visiting times, Mam won't even be in a private room. Visiting hours are only for 3 hours in the afternoon and 3 hours in the evening... after that they would literally 'throw me out' I'm sure. My sister and 3 brothers are there to visit her at every opportunity, oh and there's only 3 allowed around the bed at one time, so even if I was there and they came to visit I'd have to leave the bedside so we don't overcrowd it!

So, I wait.... and my heart aches. I would appreciate your prayers for my Mam's recovery, and for peace in my heart. I was stressing out about leaving Kristen for 2 weeks and Jason, you know us Mom's we just feel like they can't cope without us even though they can. Unless Mam takes a turn for the worst I think I will plan on a trip back home in March at Spring Break. That way Jason might be able to take the week off work to be home with Kristen and they won't have to even worry about getting up early for school. I would feel more comfortable about that.

I know God's timing in everything is perfect. I put my trust in Him.

I just wanted to share a few of my favorite photos from the last couple of trips I had home....

A trip to Durham, me, Brenda and Mam.

Princess Ethel, on her 80th birthday, 2005

A day at the beach, July 2008